December 30 2009 10:59:06 AM

On Choices

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So why is it that the easy path is so damn hard to live? I wonder if every choice actually has the same price. They only differ in the currency you pay them with.

December 30 2009 10:51:39 AM

Traveler

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Where do you come from?
Where are you going?
My fellow traveler,
through time and space.

perhaps you care not,
whence you go
or for why.
perhaps it doesn't matter anyway.

Still I wonder,
if the path we take
to our final common destination
makes all the difference.

May 13 2009 11:34:50 AM

Failings

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Ok, I admit it. I packrat stuff on my computer.

At least I keep it relatively organized. So I was going through my old resume stuff, because as circumstances would have it, it appears to be that time again; and I found some old cover letters that I wrote back around 2003 when I was trying to leave Colonial. They were actually quite well written and I recall very clearly fretting over the minute details of the wording. One was to Blizzard [Entertainment] and the other was to Pixar. I would have been thrilled to work at either company. Pixar didn't even bother sending me a response and Blizzard sent me a little postcard saying something to the affect of "We're considering you, along with some other folks". I took that to mean that I'd made it past the first round. I was estatic. I walked on air for the first week. The second week, I became wary and sullen. The third I was surrounded by the gloom of impending doom when sure enough, the next postcard came saying "Sorry, you didn't make it. But we'll keep your resume on file for a few months". I didn't even realize that I'd held on to a glimmer of hope until I read that. Otherwise, the crushing feeling wouldn't have been so painful.

Sometimes I think that I might actually like this industry if I worked at the right place. Had the right environment. I guess I'll never know.

March 10 2009 07:25:54 PM

Tolerance

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I wish that I could move past tolerating my life and on to living it.

It seems that it gets a little bit harder every day to convince myself that it's worth getting out of bed. Too many people, too much white noise, endless menial tasks, most of which are pointless. We're all just busy ants. Waiting for time to come along and squash us.

February 18 2009 07:07:02 PM

The Plight of the Panda

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I found myself thinking about the Panda this morning.

It is indeed a bear that is fully capable of being omnivorous, but chooses to only eat a few species of bamboo that provide a bare minimum of sustenance that they eek by on. And they are dying. Like many species other than homo sapiens, they are on the decline. Crowded out by man, who destroys the very specific habitat that they need to survive. But this is not their biggest problem.

They won't breed to save their own species. Maybe the panda has given up? Maybe they've realized that they don't have a place in this world that we're busy building. So next time you see a Panda at the zoo, take a picture. Soon that will be all that's left.

April 01 2008 12:31:19 PM

Absent Savior

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Everywhere I look I see people begging to be saved. The saddest thing is they don't even know it yet.

March 26 2008 03:00:56 PM

The Swirling Vortex

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I get this feeling sometimes. And it's really hard to capture. It's like a black vortex swirling all around me. Throughout me. Pulling me in all directions, and therefore none at all. I'm just stuck there in the middle, being pulled apart.

February 08 2008 05:16:02 PM

Fill Me Up with Empty

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I keep coming back here.

Looking for something, looking for meaning in this void. I think I've always found my solace in learning. I found my joy in books. The Internet is endless information. Endless entertainment. Something to sink into. I think I look for happiness here, but I'm always left feeling empty - unfulfilled.

There are answers here, but they aren't the ones I need.

January 02 2008 05:09:47 PM

A Comfortable Prison

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It's so gradual that we don't even notice.

It starts with a crib. Bars in pastel colours for our own protection. Then schools where we're taught to be compliant, do as we're told; think as we're told. We're groomed and primed for the ultimate prison.

Work.

Somewhere along the way the human race forgot why we work. Ancient peoples toiled only just as much as they needed to to have enough to eat. We work incessantly today so that we may maintain the extravagent lifestyles that all people in industrilized nations enjoy. But do we really enjoy them at the price that we pay?

We pay with our youth. We pay with our freedom. And in the end, we pay with our lives. Is it really worth it all to have an ipod and a widescreen TV? Are you really giving your children a better life? Or just a really comfortable prison?

November 19 2007 01:54:25 PM

The Missing Pieces

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I think I know what I need to do. I think I've always known.

There are parts of me that I left behind, long ago. Parts that were so badly damaged, I cut them from me and left them to whither in the glacial landscape of my past. Believe not what the Christians say; Hell is a frozen wasteland, without a spark of warmth.

I have to go back. I have to recover the bits of my soul that I left for dead. Lest their phantoms haunt me always.